Christmas Innuendo
by Lily of the Shadow
Summary: Tala and Liz are alone in the kitchen... and Kai happens to walk by... [Holiday Fluff]


This fic is deticated to Korimi-san for giving me the idea.

Christmas at the Hiwatari Mansion – Preparing the Christmas Goose

Christmas Eve – 7:00

"TALA!! GET YOUR LAZY BUTT IN HERE AND HELP ME WITH DINNER!" Liz nearly screamed through the house. Tala sauntered into the kitchen moments later.

"Why me?" He asked, pulling a black apron over his head and tying it. He picked up a box of stuffing mix, looked at it a moment, then tossed it in the trash.

"You don't need that package stuff. I'll show you how to do it the real way."

"Hey! I can't cook without the package stuff!" Liz cried, making a dive for the box. Tala 'tsk tsk'ed.

"You're learning. Get out the bread, and… let me see… baisil, dill, thyme, paprika, Lawrey's Seasoning Salt, black pepper, red pepper—"

"This is STUFFING not CHILI!!!"

"—and olive oil."

"What's the oil for?"

"Lubricant. Otherwise it will be hard to stuff it in."

Kai happened to pass by the closed door as this was said… And he stopped.

"That sounded incredibly wrong." He muttered. He stood outside the kitched door, wondering if he should go in or not. "Best not risk it unless I know it's… benign."

"Oh come on! It dosen't need lubricant!"

"Yes it does." Tala said resolutely.

"Oh come on. I bet you've never done this before!"

"I have too."

"Prove it!"

"Last Christmas. And once at Thanksgiving."

"Only TWICE??"

"Probably twice more than you have."

Bryan and Rei were walking past, talking quietly when they saw Kai crouched outside the Kitchen, listening intently.

"What'cha litening in on, Kai?" Rei asked. Kai looked up.

"SHH! You'll make me miss something crucial." He hissed.

"What?" Bryan asked, kneeling down, ear to the door.

"I've done it before!" Liz retorted hotly. Kai's eyes widened.

"Wow.. Tala I kind of expected… but Liz? Wasn't she total abstinence?"

"Huh?"

"Shut up and listen." Rei did so.

"Prove it." Tala mocked.

"Three years ago, at the Group home. I did it with Oliver."

"Oliver from the Majestics?!"

"Who? Oh, never mind. Probably not. Oliver was too old to Beyblade, really."

"He probably did all the work."

"He only did the stuffing! I did everything else." Liz, though they couldn't see, stuck out her tongue.

Bryan and Rei's eyes widened as well.

"Whatever. Let a man of experience show you how!" Tala semi-bragged. Liz groaned.

"This again?"

Outside, Catty and Korimi walked past.

"Kai… Rei.. Bryan… what are you doing?" Korimi asked.

"Shh!" Kai said, pointing to the door. "Liz and Tala…"

"Yes, this again. Now here, massage the legs. It'll make it easier."

"How so?"

"Loosens the muscles."

"But the thing is dead!"

"Even the dead have bits of life in it."

"You'd better hope so. If this isn't worth the trouble, I'll kill you."

"Don't ask questions. Just do it."

Liz sighed heavily.

"Done. Now what?"

"We mix itup a bit!" Tala proclaimed. Liz paused, a point at which she rolled her eyes. Then she sighed.

"Must we? Why can't we just stuff it in already?"

"Because!"

There was a long pause, filled with the clinking of kitchen utensils.

"What are they doing?" Catty asked, eyes wide.

"Whatever it is, I'm throwing those away and getting an entire new kitchen set." Kai said.

The others would have snickered had the situation not been so… shocking in their eyes.

"Alright. _Now…_ We open the legs and stuff it in."

All five spies' eyes widened.

"I need… to either bash out or wash out my brains…" Korimi muttered, though she stayed to listen to the unfolding drama. There was a thud.

"Hold it still! Otherwise I can't get it in properly, and it'll move around, and you could get hurt or something."

"How can _this_ hurt me?!"

"You'd be surprised."

Outside, all five plugged their ears, staring at each other, horrified.

"A turkey, especially a dead one, is NOT dangerous!"

"It is if it hits you in the gut." Tala muttered darkly. Liz sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Is it safe to unplug out ears?" Catty mouthed moments later. Kai cautiously did so. He nodded when he was met with silence.

"That was quick." Liz was saying.

"I make short work of it." Tala said. Kai raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, yeah. I guess you're a bit more experienced that I give you credit for. Nice job."

"Why thank you, Liz. I know that in your infinite wisdom and hard-to-please-ness, that's a great compliment."

"Never thought Liz would be the hard-to-please kind…" Rei whispered.

"We sould probably do it again, it's kind of small."

"WHAT?!" Tala cried. He sighed. "Okay, I guess you're right. Go get another."

"Another what?" Catty asked softly.

"Condem, probably. At least they're being safe…" Kai muttered, eyes narrowed.

"Enough is enough." Bryan said, standing.

"LIZ! TALA! IF YOU WANT TO SCREW LIKE BUNNIES GO TO YOUR ROOM AND DON'T CONTAMINATE THE KI—" He stopped short after he nearly bust the door down.

Liz and Tala stood there, eyebrows raised. Liz was holding a frozen turkey and Tala a bowl of stuffing.

"What were you doing standing outside, assuming we were doing sick and twisted stuff?" Liz asked, half laughing. Save Kai and Bryan, the eavesdroppers blushed.

"As if I'd do that with Tala! He's probably tiny." Liz flicked her ponytail irritatingly. Tala fumed. Liz grinned innocently. "Besides. He'd have to marry me first, and he'd never swallow enough pride to admit that he's madly in love with me." Liz finished with as arrogant a tone as she could muster.

Tala glared fiercely before stalking out of the kitchen.

"HEY! COME BACK, YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO KNOWS HOW TO STUFF A TURKEY!"

"Oh, those are some nice buns." Catty said abruptly. Kai, in front of her, spun around, slightly alarmed. She was pointing to the tray of rolls for dinner that night.

"What?" She asked innocently. Kai shook his head and closed his eyes while Liz burst out laughing hysterically.

I can't WAIT till tomorrow!!" She danced about.

-


End file.
